I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
