Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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