My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
