You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
