my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
