He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
