I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
