i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
