who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
