You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
