I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
