who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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