Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
either way he was missing a nipple.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
