sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
