Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
