If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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