it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
The best revenge is premature balding
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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