Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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