I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
