I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
