Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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