When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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