she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
