On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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