Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
