dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
