Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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