she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
