I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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