i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
