i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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