Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
