Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
