Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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