I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
