You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Boobs speak an international language.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
