I can tuck mytits in my pants
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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