The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
