That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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