Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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