i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
