I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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