I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Too much gin, very little bucket
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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