ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
