I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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