you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
