Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
