I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
