I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Everything about him screamed your future.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
