He had one of those small greek statue penises
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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